Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
