Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
