So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
