Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
