I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
