I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
