I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
