if only i could text you this smell
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Let's get the cat blown out
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
