"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
