There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
