you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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