She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
there's paper in my vomit.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
