Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize