i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
