I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Who died my cat blue again?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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