she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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