what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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