Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
