I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That accounts for only three of the penises
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
