When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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