Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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