so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
