i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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