it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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