It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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