does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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