I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
