No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
