nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Four minutes until I can fart!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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