it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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