Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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