these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do vagina's smell?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
