So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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