Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
