Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
