if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize