On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize