just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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