I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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