Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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