i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
