you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
