I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
