I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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