You don't have asthma, your pregnant
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
