Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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