Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize