i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
