It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
