Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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