Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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