Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
