He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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