Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
