well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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