he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
