You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
