glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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