When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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