so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
