There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Houston, we have a blender
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
