the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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