3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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