I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
