So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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