Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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