You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
