Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
